he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just sharted jello shots
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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