My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
