Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
