Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
