he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
