so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
