i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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