Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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