I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
