hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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