so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
