I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
