McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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