Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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