I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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