If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
