Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
