I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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