I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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