All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
