Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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