well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
