The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
