I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
