And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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