I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
