Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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