Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
