do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
