If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
