Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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