Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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