we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found puke in my bra..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
