Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
