Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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