At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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