Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
