haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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