MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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