Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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