even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
