Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
