I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
