What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
