wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
