do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
