I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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