I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
