Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
