yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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