if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
