No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
