umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
