I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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