I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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