I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize