they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
