hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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