so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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