Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
