woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
