My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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