Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
