All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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