I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
