3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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