Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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