Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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