From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
